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Calling All Idiots

Herm a posted Aug 17, 15

If you are unable to answer the above question correctly, please stop reading this post immediately and navigate away from our webpage.  If you managed to deduce that the giant object hovering in the sky at night is, in fact, larger than a bleeping elephant, feel free to read on.

Our happy group of dumbasses is looking for a few likeminded idiots to join in our fun and frivolity as we surgically take down HFC content throw ourselves at bosses until they fall over.  With our feet now under us a bit and our focus beginning to shift to the content you can't manage to defeat while simultaneously pleasuring yourself during raids, we are looking to add 2 core members to our communist regime.   With our members all totally caught up in gear still miles behind in gear because fuck that legendary ring quest when you return to the game 10 months into an expansion, we are looking for 2 core members who have enough gear to carry us enough brains to play at a high level and outplay their gear level.  Specifically, we are looking for:

- 1 ranged DPS (Mage, Balanced druid, or Warlock preferred)

- 1 melee DPS (Rogue or Monk preferred)

However, as always, if you are able to make us laugh, can contribute to our mumble dialogue, are able to hold conversations about something other than this damn game, and can play at a high level, please feel free to apply regardless of our specific needs.  For those of you that suck at the game or are boring as shit, well I suppose you better REALLY fit our class needs.

If interested, head to the "Apply Now" section (or click here) and fill out the application as in depth and thorough as you deem necessary to give us a feel for you as a player and person.  And yes, we are one of those weird guilds that actually cares what you bring to the table as a personality.  Being the best damn internet video game player on planet earth doesn't mean much if you make us want to drive our cars off a bridge the entire time we play with you.  If you have any specific questions that you can't find answered on our website, feel free to contact Herm on batte.net at Herm#1536 and ask away.

Let The Purples Rain

Herm a posted Jul 20, 15

Normal and heroic mode kills are the WoW equivalent of blue balls, giving you just enough of an encounter to start to get a feel for it but stopping before anything fun starts to happen.  However, since our collective guild ilevel is worse than Obama's approval rating and this was an off-night raid, I suppose we will take any kills (and subsequently any loot) we can get.  A few more nights like this and our tanks will be able to handle mythic mode Archimonde might actually have enough health to spend more than 3% of a fight above 10k life.  As before, we are still recruiting in preperation for mythic raiding:

- 2 healers (at least 1 Holy Paladin preferred)

- 2 melee DPS

- 3 ranged DPS

If interested, please click on the "Apply Now" button and fill out the application (or if you are too tired to move your eyes, click here).  We will contact you via whatever communication method you leave.  If you have additional questions about our communist regime, feel free to contact one of our officers on battle.net to have them answered:

Herm#1536

Sinuous#1440

Unholy#1166

Sixx#1595

 

 

And Boom Goes The Dynamite

Herm a posted Jul 19, 15

Just like that, we are back to slaying internet bad guys on the bleeding edge of content slower than Bill Cosby apologizes for sexual assault.  Months and months behind and all (or is it years?  Damnit we have been gone for awhile), but it feels good to be back raiding again none-the-less.  Easy content aside, it's hard to complain about clearing BRF considering the bulk of our members were just beginning to level a week or two ago.  Heck, our tank didn't have enough gear to take a Ray Rice left cross as recently as yesterday, so it would appear we are heading in the right direction.  We may be grizzled WoW veterans and have some rust to knock off, but we can still do this whole raiding thing.

Now that we have started to get our feet under us, we have a better idea of exactly what our recruitment needs are.  As always, we are interested in exceptional people and exceptional players regardless of class (read: you can make us laugh and enjoy spending 3-4 hours with you while managing to handle boss phases like Bruce Caitlyn Jenner handles sex changes), but our specific class needs are:

- 2 healers (at least 1 Holy Paladin preferred)

- 2 melee DPS

- 3 ranged DPS

If interested, please click on the "Apply Now" button and fill out the application (or if you are a lazy bastard, click here).  One of our officers will be in touch with you via whatever communication method you leave.  If you have additional questions about our happy group of idiots, feel free to contact one of our officers to have them answered:

Herm#1536

Sinuous#1440

Unholy#1166

Sixx#1595

I believe it was the immortal Arnold Schwarzenegger who once said, "get to the chopper!" "I'll be back."  After roughly 5 years, several job promotions, readjusting our skin and eyes to the sun, and the occasional failed attempt at a relationship, Gimped has collectively channeled their inner Schwarzenegger.  The itch to kill dragons together on the internet proved too strong and after collectively dipping our toes in real life and realizing we missed drooling over internet pixels picking up phat loot, we are back.

Once upon a time we were a top 25 U.S. guild that managed to kill things quicker than most from Vanilla through WotLK.  We decided to call it quits at that point, but based on all the good we have heard regarding mythic raiding, we are eager to start raiding once again, albeit with a slightly different approach.  We are no longer interested in raiding 50 hours a week to chase fictional trophies for killing things first.  We simply want to raid enough to remain near the cutting edge, clearing content when it is still fresh and relatively unknown.  Our raid schedule is:

Tuesday: 7:00 PM to 10:00 PM

Wednesday: 7:00 PM to 10:00 PM

Thursday: 7:00 PM to 10:00 PM

Sunday: 7:00 PM to 10:00 PM

**Please note all times are PST, meaning our raids end at 1:30 AM CST and 2:30 AM EST respectively**

Due to many of us being new to this expansion, we are starting from the ground up which gives us the unique opportunity to be very open minded with our recruitment.  An increased emphasis on quality of time spent over quantity of time spent means we need capable players who can press buttons and keys without dying to fires, etc...  Additionally, we are not interested in tolerating insufferable d-bags simply because they know how to perform well in a video game or can show up an obscene amount of time.  We have always been selective and prefer to overlook the gear/experience of the player if the fit is right.  It's easy to teach someone how to deal damage to internet pixels, but you can't teach someone how to be fun to hang out with.  Once things flesh out and we start downing bosses regularly, we will become more selective in our wants and needs related to class, gear, etc...

Our goal is to clear all current mythic raid content before it is nurfed to hell and then to remain towards the cutting edge from that point on.  Based on our past experience, we fully expect this to happen sooner rather than later.  If playing with a bunch of jaded WoW veterans who know how to kill things quickly and have fun while doing it appeals to you, click on the "Apply Now" button at the top of the page and fill out the cumbersome and lengthy application short and sweet application (or just click here).  A member of the guild should be in touch with you within 24 hours via whatever communication method you leave.

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